A simple test to let you know if you are Irish or not

You know you're Irish if... ~ The person that you insult most is probably your best friend ~ During your youth much of your food was boiled ~ You're strangely poetic after a few beers ~ You don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing ~ You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking ~ You have no idea how to make a long story short ~ Tea is the solution to every problem ~ And holy water is the solution to every injury ~ Saying 'I will yea' means that you definitely won't ~ 'For the craic' is the best reason for doing anything ~ Nobody can go a day without saying 'Jaysus' ~ You have a gift for swearing ~ You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. 'I had a rake of drink last night' or "I'll be out in a minute, I'm just shoveling down the dinner' ~ It's perfectly acceptable to call your mother 'mammy' even though you are a fully grown adult ~ Saying 'Now we're sucking diesel' means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation ~ Drinking 'tae' is everyone's favourite past time ~ You're scared of the wooden spoon ~ The word 'like' goes in every sentence ~ You can say "Any craic' to a policeman and you won't get arrested