Monday, 7 April 2014
TV STAR ESTHER RANTZEN WANTED TO KNOW WHY I WAS INTERESTED IN HER ANUS AND HER ORGASMS!
The Taliban didn’t get me in the end, the owners wife was delighted by the show and so was a very shocked but a relieved Massood! I’m talking about the appearance of the all male group Climax at the Rivera Club(see chapter 16) In fact so happy was Massood that before I could catch my breath he wanted to know: “ What’s next?” I had promised myself that I would not get totally involved in the day to day management of the club in fact all I promised was to over see the relaunch. I suppose it might have been better if the Climax night was anti-Climax if you see where I’m going, it would have been the perfect excuse to bow out there and then.
Not many people knew it at the time but this was to be my last show after 4 years at Rudys
I had enough on my plate making sure that we continued to hold my radio show audiences. I also now had the extra stress (self-inflicted) of finding guests each week for the Boland Live TV Show, but also to convince them to come over without a fee and to arrange flights, hotels etc. Then there was Rudy’s live shows every Wednesday evening that would follow immediately after my radio
Now with Rudy’s finished I really wanted to concentrate on what I truly loved radio and television. Barry and I were drifting apart, we were rowing constantly. One of the problems was that Barry was now on breakfast radio so finishing The Late Late Show at 10pm then getting home bed and up again was I’m sure exhausting,
I’m sure the first few shows sounded awful and full of mistakes etc but after a short time I settled into a routine and slowly gained more confidence. I was now loving being in control but starting to think the game show format had run its course, It had nothing to do with lack of audience participation. It just was difficult to keep the shows games fresh after so many years. One evening I was about to play the ‘Guess Who’s Talking’ game where I invite the listener to guess who was talking after playing them a snippet of a famous voice which I had recorded earlier on. I don’t know how but the recording was blank! What to do? I immediately put on a piece of music followed by a commercial break and decided to call David Sutch better known as Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.
I designed the format for the radio show somewhat like my TV show which would include one well-known celebrity guest at the top of the second hour and 2 interesting news story guests in the first hour. The TV guests were slightly more difficult as they had to come to the TV studio whereas on my radio show they were on the phone unless, that is, they were in Marbella. Funny thing is I never found finding guests that difficult funny enough especially for my radio show as, as I said, the interviews were done over the phone so they didn’t even have to leave their homes.
One day Pepe called me into his office and asked me if I’d like the 11 to 1pm slot on Saturday mornings for free but as I go to the synagogue every Saturday morning I told him that might be difficult but I’d think about it. There were two problems with this time slot one as I mentioned was my attendance at the synagogue and two there was no way I could call well-know celebrities on a Saturday morning 10am UK time, so If I was going to accept Pepe’s kind offer I would need to reformat the show especially taylord for a Saturday. One evening I was having dinner with friends when one of them asked would I call his mum who was back in hospital in the UK next time I was on the radio, he said it would make her day, I thought nothing of it and of course I agreed. I remember that night very well when I called up my friend’s mother in hospital and told her she was live on radio and that her son and family living in Marbella send their love, and the end of our short chat she told me just how happy the call made her.
There were very many memories of this show, one was a request for a recording of one of my listeners sisters who I spoke to in a hospice in Scotland. He reminded me that for some reason we were talking about custard apples but can't remember why. All I know it made her laugh. He told me just how the call had brightened up her day and made her very happy. Sadly she had passed away and he would have loved a recording of her conversation with me. Unfortunately I don’t recorded the Wish You Were Here shows, so I had to tell him sadly I hadn’t got a recording of his sister chat with me. I could tell how desperately disappointed he was, I told him that there could be a chance in a million someone just might have a recording of that show and I would put a request out next time I was on air. A few days later I did just that and to my amazement a listener in Majorca had recorded that very show as his mum was also on it and sent me a copy! I can’t tell you how happy I felt handing over a copy tape of his late sisters voice.
On another occasion I got a call from a young woman called Linda asking me to call her ex best friend Susan in Inverness, she explained that they had been best friends at school but had fallen out ten years ago and hadn’t spoke since. She went on to tell me that she wrote to her a few weeks ago saying that she thought it time they put the past behind them and thankfully her friend agreed and promised to telephone her the next day between 10 and 11am. Linda said she sat in all day waiting for her friend to call but received no call, so would I call her as she so desperately wanted to speak to Susan and make up for the past. She told me the reason she wanted ME to call was that Susan had a great sense of humor and I could wind her up etc. So, I called Susan from Inverness and this is how it went: She answered in a very gently but prominent Scottish accent: “Hello”
S: “Aye, who’s that?” she almost whispered
M: “I’m calling on behalf of you friend Linda she said that you had agreed to call her yesterday between 10 and 11am and that poor girl sat in all day waiting for your call, all she wanted to do Susan was make up for the past so you two good continue as best friends as you were 10 years ago and you let her down, I can’t tell you how heartbroken she is.” I continued to wind her up: “She called me knowing Id give you a hard time and knowing that I wouldn’t settle for some feeble excuse. Now Susan why don’t you tell us why you didn’t call and it better be good?” there was a long pause before answering
S crying: "My father dropped dead yesterday.” She continued to sob uncontrollably. Now get yourself out of that Boland!
Not all calls were like that of course and the majority were happy, I do remember calling Dallas one Christmas morning to wish the daughter of one of my listeners on the Costa del Sol a Happy Christmas. I did say to her mom that it was only 6am in Dallas and did she not think her daughter would be annoyed at such and early call, her mum assured me she would be up as she had three young children including a 6 month old baby so I wasn’t to worry
Another interview that stands out in my mind was with Timothy Knatchbull talking about his book Clear Blue Sky: On the morning of August 27, 1979 Earl Mountbatten of Burma, the great- grandchild of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, took several members of his family including Tim out on a fishing expedition
Tim Knatchbull was fortunate to have been rescued from the water as quickly as he was, and was taken in considerable pain to the intensive care unit in Sligo Hospital, where he slowly recovered from his extensive wounds. But it was three days before he was able to be told that his twin Nicholas had died and had already been taken to England for burial. After Tim related this part of his story to me I just filled up, I simply couldn't talk and I hung up without saying a word. I played the song; ‘With G-d I Walk’ after I composed myself I called Tim back to apologies for hanging up. He gracefully told me he understood and we carried on with the interview. Tim called me after the show to tell me that it was one of the most moving interviews he had ever done and thanked me. What a brave gentleman he is.
You might think all my interviews were sad, far from it. One of my best known interviews was with Esther Rantzen the British TV star. She had just recovered from a near death experience. She told me it all happened whilst she was out in India making a BBC documentary. She said she stupidly drank some water from a well and within days was taken ill and ended up in hospital for six months after doctors discovered a living organism in her stomach that nearly killed her. I remembered a story that one of the makeup artist that joined Mandy Smith and I in Tobago also had a similar tail, so I jumped in saying
A year later I was interviewing Esther again, Desmond had sadly past away by then and a very nasty book written by her step daughter had just been released, I was going to start the interview by making a quote by the Queen who had also had a terrible family year by saying it was an ‘Annus Horribilis’ but decided that I better not risk it remembering what an idiot I had made of myself during the last interview. As the interview progressed and was going well I decided to be brave and risk it by saying; “Esther, it would be true to say this year was an Anus Horriblis for you?” again she burst out laughing: "Last year when I was on your show you made reference to my ORGASMS and now this year your talking about my ANUS what next dear boy?” I will say no more only to add Esther must have taken it all in the best possible taste as she has been on my show many time since.
As I said finding guests wasn’t as difficult as one might think. One of the most difficult was a TV guest, the late ex world snooker champion Alex ‘Hurricane’ Higgins. Alex, as most of you might know was renowned for his heavy drinking and trouble making, so when he arrived in Spain the day before he was due to appear on my show I sat him down and had a long talk with him asking him to please do me a favor and not drink the day of my show. Alex thankfully took my request in good spirits, if you excuse the pun, and pointed out that he would be in the studios at 12pm for my 1pm show and he never drank in the morning. Thankfully he turned up on time the next day and appeared to be as sober as a judge. My TV show had now moved to much larger studios in Torremolinos so the audience now numbered in
Coming up next I get a call from Caesars Palace inviting me to broadcast my radio show live from Las Vegas......Cynthia Lennon talking very openly about her feelings for Yoko and how it all went wrong with Jimmy Tarbuck
To be continued ......