CHAPTER 19



JAY LENO EMBARRASSES ME. A LITTLE WHITE LIE FOR PAUL ANKA AND I'M ASKED TO FIND 10 MILLION TO BUILD A CANCER HOSPICE!


It was the summer of 1999, it certainly didn’t feel like a year since I’d last appeared in Las Vegas, but here I was, this time accompanied by my wife Wendy, jetting into McCarron International Airport and yet again as a guest of Caesars Palace Hotel. We were meant to be flying British Airways but because of a delay at Malaga it would have meant we would miss our connecting flight at Heathrow to Vegas, so after I kicked up enough fuss we were kindly put on a flight to Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport and from there onto the KLM flight to Vegas. I was particular excited by this trip as Debbie had faxed me an advanced list of guests that she had already lined up and yet again she got top marks for the amazing array of celebrities including: Gladys Knight, Huey Lewis, Wayne Newton, Sheena Easton, Lance Burton, Clint Holms and many more.

View of Las Vegas Boulevard from the air. One of the 8th wonders of the world.


As last year, I flew in on a Friday giving me the weekend to go through everything before the 11am (8pm Spanish time) start on Monday of my week long scheduled live broadcast from Vegas to Spain.
One of the first things I planned to do was try and get hold of Paul Anka, who I read was performing in town. I’m a huge fan of Anka’s so this would be a very special moment for me to meet up and interview him, I also planned to invite American talk show icon Jay Leno by telephone link to join my guest list . So all in all exciting times ahead as we were asked to fasten our seat belts, put are seats in the upright position as we approach Vegas. This also is the first time I’ve flown into Vegas by night and I can only describe it as spectacular.

Wendy was never impressed by all this showbiz hype that I lived with, nor did she ever have any real desire to visit Las Vegas, but as we made are way down Las Vegas boulevard in the Caesar Palaces stretch limo it was hard for her not to be impressed by the spectacle of brightly lit hotels like the MGM Grand, The Aladdin, New York New York, The Mirage etc and flashing neon signs announcing the appearances of such iconic names as Elton John, Rod Stewart, Danny Gann’s, Tom Jones and Celine Dion.

Saturday morning I left Wendy in our 22nd floor suit enjoying her breakfast of muesli topped with fresh strawberries, blueberries and kiwi fruit mixed in with honey yogurt accompanied by cinnamon toast and fresh coffee as I joined Caesars Palace’s public relations chief executive Debbie Munch for my breakfast and to go through the schedule and guests that had been booked for my up and coming week of shows. I told her that I heard that Paul Anka was appearing in town, but wasn’t sure which hotel he was appearing at, that I was anxious to interview him and was it possible for her to find out and invite him onto the show. Debbie called through to reception to ask where was he was performing only to find out that he wasn’t in town. I was really disappointed and told her I was sure I had read somewhere that he was appearing in Vegas at the time. Debbie suggested that perhaps he was at Lake Tahoe’s Harrah Hotel, she did say that IF he had been in town he would be staying at the Mirage where the owner Steve Wynn (who also owned Treasure Island and the Bellagio and now owns Wynns) gave Paul Anka his own personal suit.

Not wanting to give up so easily on my pursuit of Paul Anka I decided, after breakfast, to call the Mirage in the off chance that he was in town and this is more or less how my conversation went:

Mirage receptionist: “Good morning this is Michael and you’re through to The Mirage Hotel and Casino resort how can I help you?”
M: “ Hi, could you please put me through to Mr Paul Anka’s suit.”
M.R: “Who shall I say is calling?”

It’s necessary to explain at this point the next part of my conversation and why I used the name Radio Europe rather than Onda Cero. I believed that it was much more convincing to let the celebrity believe he was speaking to a major radio station with the name Radio Europe than Onda Cero. Now that I’ve cleared that up, let’s get back to the conversation.

M: “It’s Radio Europe and I have an arranged interview with Mr Anka.” Perhaps a little white lie slipped out there!.
M.R: “One moment sir, putting you through.”

Am I in luck? I thought, IS Paul Anka really in town? I waited for what felt like an age when a very sleepy sounding voice came on the line....

PA: “This is Paul Anka whom am I speaking with?” He whispered.

Shit, I had woken him up.....

M: “Good morning Mr Anka this Maurice Boland from Radio Europe, so nice to speak to you.”

Before I could explain further.....

PA: “What is it you want Mr Boland? I had a very late night last night, I'm trying to sleep at the moment and you have disturbed me!”

This was not going well......

M: I’m so sorry ( white lie number two coming up) but I arranged with your office an interview.” You’ve got to love a trier.

Again before I finished he interrupted.....

PA: “ Mr Boland, I don’t for one second believe that my office arranged this and if they did I certainly know nothing about it!” He was now sounding annoyed: “Now, if you don’t mind I would like to hang up and go back to sleep!”

Shit again, I’ve been stumbled. I needed to do something and something quick as I was losing him. White lie number three coming up....

M: “I’m so sorry but you do know your album Amigos is number one in Europe." (most of you possibly know Paul Anka is not just a multi platinum singer but also and prolific composure and the album Amigos features duets of iconic songs that he has written with Tom Jones She’s A Lady, with Ricky Martin on Diana, My Way, which he wrote for Sinatra but this time duets Julio Iglesias and Celine Dion)
PA: “Really?” I detected a sudden excitement in his voice, had I pressed the right button I wondered.
M: “Yes, It’s a massive hit and I play tracks from it all the time on my radio show.” (Not a lie!)

I heard Paul shout out boastfully to whoever was in the suit with him that Amigos was a massive hit in Europe and that Radio Europe was on the line congratulating him. Anka was now AWAKE and I was about to reel in my catch

PA: “Look Mr Boland.”
M: “Call me Maurice.” I interrupted
PA: “Look Maurice, I’m tied up much of today and this evening, I’m having dinner with Mr Wynn, then early tomorrow morning my private jet will be flying me back to LA, so why not come to my hotel around midnight and I’ll give you an interview.” It worked; his ego got the better of him.

Around midnight I was ushered into Paul Anka’s personal suit at the Mirage by ‘his people’ It was so enormous it looked more like a large villa!

I had brought along a mini disc recorder so that I could record the interview. From the minute we met we seemed to hit it off, I think it was because I wound him up when I started the interview by asking him about his first multi million selling record Diana. He explained that when he was a kid Diana was his babysitter. I then asked him when was the last time he had seen her? He replied that it must be at least 40 plus years ago. Then I put on my best Eamonn Andrews This Is Your Life voice: “You thought you where here to record a radio interview but Paul Anka This is Your Life and here after all these years is your babysitter Diana.” Paul nearly fell off his chair saying “ No, Is she really here?" Looking frantically around everywhere. “Only Joking.” I replied. He fell around laughing and although he said he’d give my 10 minutes we stayed up practically all night chatting and generally having a good time. At the end of my visit to his suit I thanked him adding how disappointed I was not to have my camera with me. Although it was about 4am at this time Paul insisted in waking up one of ‘his people’ to take a photograph and as promised posted a copy to me (see photo). Job done!

One of the new added parts to my Vegas shows was the Casino Game. I would set a simple quiz question and then invite the listeners to phone into the Marbella studios with the an answer . The first to get it correct would get three slot dollars which I would play on their behalf hoping they might win anything form $10 to $25,000! I would leave the studio and walk the few yards to an arranged slot machine, put the three coins in and pull the leaver. The listener could hear all this going on as I was mic’d up and so was the slot machine. This was a hugely popular part of the Vegas shows.

On one particular day I had just finished the slot game and was walking back to the studio chatting during the commercial break to the person in Marbella who was driving my show. I explained I needed to hurry as Martha Reeves of the Martha and the Vandellas fame (see photo) had arrived and was waiting for me. “Let the black bitch wait!” he said: “We have a small technical problem back here to sort out so I need to go straight into a music break.”

When I got back to the studio Debbie grabbed me and told me that Martha had heard what was said, she was not happy and about to leave! Without a word I walked straight up to her and said: “Martha you look wonderful and how much younger and stunning you looked in real life” Luckily she bought it and sat down simply saying; “Thank you so much.” That was a close call. Not a word was mentioned about the racist comment, in fact we got on so well that after the show we had lunch in Forum joined by her sister Lois who was one of the Vandellas and we spent most of the afternoon playing the slots!

Another memorable interview and almost as embarrassing, was with Americas TV talk show host Jay Leno, which turned out to be one of the biggest but yet funniest put downs that has ever happened to me. I had just finished interviewing Evil Knievel, who was in Las Vegas to launch a special edition Harley Davidson that had a photo of him embossed on the petrol tank making his historic jump through the fountains at Caesars Palace nearly killing himself when it all went wrong and he slammed into the hotel wall breaking almost every bone in his body. It was during the commercial break that followed that I handed Jeff (my producer) a piece of paper with Jay Leno’s private telephone number asking him to phone to ask Jay if he minded doing a quick link interview with me. I could tell by Jeff's doubting tone that he thought I was winding him up; “ You mean this is really Jay Leno’s private number?” I explained that I had interviewed him in the past and hoped he would remember me. By the time the commercial break was over and I returned live I could hear Jeff in the back ground saying: “Yes Mr Leno,thank you Mr Leno, putting you through now.” As always The show was being broadcast in front of a packed audience, so I was doubly chuffed knowing they would be very impressed that I had one of Americas most famouse celebraties on the line that is until :

Me: “Hi, Jay welcome back on my show and this time from Las Vegas instead of Spain ” Hoping that might just jog his memory of who I am.

Jay: “Hi Maureeece (as I told you in an earlier chapter that’s how the Americans pronounced my name) your very welcome to my country for a change.”

Yep, I thought; 'this sure is credible', here I am in Las Vegas with one of Americas most famous and richest celebrities chatting to me like a long lost friend, but then half way through the interview this happened.....

Jay: “ Can I ask you a question Maureeeece?”

M: “Sure, fire ahead.” I replied expecting him to ask what I was doing in Vegas etc.

I wasn't expecting this....

Jay: “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”

You could sense the silent embarrassment spread throughout the audience. It felt like an eternity until Jay burst out laughing saying: “Only Joking!” Jeff and the audience then broke into fits of laughter followed by spontaneous applause. I just sat there hoping that my blushing would subside quickly. What a relief I thought as we proceeded with a fun packed interview.

I had seen advertising hoarding all around Las Vegas announcing that Hulk Hogan and the rest of the famous WWF wrestlers were in town for a televised match at the 17,000 seater MGM Grand Garden Arena . That’s for me , I thought, So I took myself off to the MGM hoping for an interview with the Hulk. I marched up to the entrance stalls and proudly announced that I was from Radio Europe to conduct some interviews with the star wrestlers . A burly security guard certainly didn’t look as impressed as I hoped he might be. “Where’s your letter of approval?” he barked. I never thought of that, so I tried to convince him that I left it back in my hotel. No way Jose would he buy that, pointing at the arenas main entrance gesturing me to leave and meaning for me to leave now, if his expression was anything to go by! So with my tail between my legs I made my way out through the hoards of people making their way in. Once outside and feeling a little dejected and sorry for myself, I decided to wonder around the back to see if perhaps I could blag my way in through another entrance.

When I eventually got around the back of the gigantic domed arena I spotted at least a dozen outside broadcast TV lorries. Dozens of technicians were wondering in and out of the back entrances carrying various types of TV equipment etc, so as bold as brass I just wondered in behind them! I followed the signs that read ‘dressing rooms’ where I noticed various giant wrestlers limbering up, I then came on the door that read Hulk Hogan. I knocked and entered and there stood the monster of the man known as the Hulk wearing his signature yellow and red wrestling outfit. On his head he wore his famous red bandana. I introduced myself and asked would he mind having a few words for his fans back in Europe. “Sure.” He politely answered. As I was about to start the interview the door burst open and the same burly security guard that turned me away from entering the arena just 10 minutes ago, was now shouting at me to get the fuck out! Funny enough you can hear all of this on the tape I played the next day on my show from Caesars!

Jeff brought in the Las Vegas Sun newspaper for me to read pointing out a half page about; 'the Irish presenter from Spain broadcasting live from Caesars Palace' .

It was a very complimentary article and I was delighted with it. After my show Debbie said that the organisers of Miss Hawaiian Tropical (the suntan oil) had called inviting me to be a judge at this yeas pageant which was to be broadcast live nationally on television from the MGM Grand (hope its not the same guy on security who threw me out of the wrestling!) that I would be joining a group of celebrity judges including David ‘the Hoff’ Hasselhoff. It was to be presented by Ryan Seacrest, who is presently hosting TV’s American Idol. On my way to the show I began to wonder that perhaps the Las Vegas thinks I’m more famous than I really am, from my name up in lights outside Caesars , to half a page in Las Vegas’s largest circulated newspaper and now been invited to be a judge on a national television show? But if they did who was I to argue, after all I was enjoying every bit of this, as I did that evening at the after show party hobnobbing with most of Las Vegas’s A list celebs!

Sadly my time in Las Vegas came all too soon and as I bid Debbie farewell she said that she looks forward to me returning again next year I remember thinking on the plane on the way back to Spain if I did return to Las Vegas how could I top this years show? (I did go back the following year and the only clue I’ll let you in on now is that I felt slightly sea sick every time I broadcast the show! More in a later chapter)

Sadly thee end this trip to Las Vegas came all too soon and as I bid Debbie farewell she said that she looks forward to me returning again next year. I remember thinking on the plane on the way back to Spain how could I top that this years show. (I did go back the following year and the only clue I’ll let you in on now is that I felt slightly sea sick every time I broadcast the show! More in a later chapter)

It didn’t take long before I settled back into my Marbella life presenting my radio show on Onda Cero. One evening after my show , I was about to leave the studio when I answered the phone. It was a woman who introduced herself as Joan Hunt,(see photo) she asked to speak to Maurice Boland? No sooner had I said it was me than she started to explain that she was building a cancer hospice in Arroya del Miel (a small town about 30 minutes from Marbella direction Malaga) and she needed help..

Me: “Okay Joan what is it you need?”

Joan: “I need help to raise 10 million pesetas.”

I was stunned, that is equivalent to 60,000 Euro in today’s money! After catching my breath I asked again; “So what is it you want me to do?”

Joan; “I hear you could help me raise the 10 million.”

Now let me put this into some sort of perspective. Back in 1999 the sort of money you might be expected to raise at a charity event would be tops 1 million pesetas (6,000 Euros) and I mean tops and here I was being asked to find 10 million!!! Joan went on to explain that the builder wouldn’t complete the roof on the hospice unless he got the 10 million that was needed in advance.

M: “When do you need this by?” I asked

Joan: “Within the next 4 weeks!” she replied. I honestly thought it was a wind up at first but it didn’t take long for me to realise that she was being deadly serious. She went on to explain that her husband had died of cancer here in Spain and as she couldn’t find any palliative home care at the time she decided that she would do something about it, so she set about building Spain’s first cancer hospice. There was something very persuasive about this woman's plea for help, something that touched me from the moment she made contact. As I had lost my father to cancer and always wanted to do something in his memory I agreed to see if I could help.


With only 4 weeks to see how much towards the 10 million I could raise, the first thing I did was to sit down and make out a plan of attack. I realised I needed as much help as I could rally, so I got on the phone and rang nearly everyone I knew who could help. I then started phoning around as many golf, tennis and bowls clubs on the coast, that I could get hold of, asking them could they please put on a day of fund raising for the hospice during the coming month. I did the exact same with bars and restaurants and thankfully almost all agreed to help.

A few days after Joan’s call I was having coffee in Puerto Banus and who do you think happened to be sitting opposite me but none other than Max Bygraves. I was out of my seat in a second and sitting myself uninvited at Max’s table. I introduced myself and without skipping a beat I asked him if he would star at the fund raising gala evening that I was planning for the end of the month in aid of the cancer hospice? To my surprise he agreed without question. Next on my list was to find a venue to stage the gala and that was the 5 star Guadalmina Hotel. It didn't take me long to persuade the management to let me have the ballroom for free. I then called the late Lonnie Donigan, who was living on the Costa del Sol at the time, to invite him to also star at the gala and again he agreed to appear. I followed that with a call to the wonderful Jackie Travis who was staring at the Salon de Varieties at the time in Hello Dolly and again she agreed to take part.

Just one more thing to round off my campaign and that was what I called my 'Bob Gildof moment'. I thought if he could do it to help Feed The World then I could do it to help Raise the Roof! I rang my friend the brilliant composer Paul Sedkowsk and asked him could he please compose a song to help raise the roof for the hospice?

“Sure.” He said “When do you need it by as I’m pretty tied up till after Christmas. would that work for you?”

“No Paul, I need it in 3 weeks.” I explained

I knew Paul could do it and left at that. Then I called my favorite female vocalist on the Costa, the incredible Mayte to ask her if she would lay down the vocal track when Paul was ready and she too agreed without hesitation.


Exactly 3 weeks later we recorded Paul Sedkowski’s penned Raise The Roof For Cudeca joined by the children from Stagecoach. Job Done!

(Please watch the video below it truly is amazing)

So all was now set for the start of this marathon uphill battle to raise 10 million within 4 weeks time!

What was to happen next was truly nothing short of a a miracle.


To be continued.......



Coming next on My Story: My wife pleaded with me not to ask Cliff Richard if he was gay! I'm invited to Barbados to broadcast and the man from Club La Costa says yes.

CHAPTER18

Cynthia Lennon tells what she really thinks of Yoko and Neil Sedaka forgets his Toupee....



As far back as I can remember the Beatles had always been part of my musical upbringing. It was 1968, I was walking down London’s Saville Row with Barbara Willoughby, Liz’s younger sister. We must of been in London looking for ideas for the opening of Club Elizabeth, when we came upon a large crowed of excited teenagers standing outside No3 an a immposing 5 story building which I immediately recognised as Apple the Beatles London headquarters: “Let’s go in?” I exclaimed excitedly. “We’ll never get passed the doorman.” Barbara laughed. Standing by the door was a large gentleman kitted out in full livery, apple green coat and top hat. “Don’t worry.” I said; “Just look like were calling in on business, don’t hesitate just walk straight in whilst giving a courteous but not an over friendly nod to the doorman, it always works, trust me.” So we made our way through the crowed of Apple Scruffs (That's what George Harrison christened the fans who hung around the Saville Row building all day. See photo)

We walked up the few steps to the door like strutting peacocks, nodded politely at the 10ft tall doorman as planed and walked straight in without question, it worked like a treat. No sooner had we entered the large apple green carpeted and white walled foyer still not having a clue what we were going to do next than the girl behind the glass reception desk surprised me by calling out; “Hi, Maurice , what are you doing in London?” I couldn’t believe it, I walk into the Beatles headquarters and I’M the one who's recognised! She saw I look confused, gobsmacked was more like it: “I’m Debbie from Dublin I used to go to Sound City where your band The Kingbees played” She explained. I asked were ‘the lads’ in trying to sound cool , she said that Paul was expected any minute and almost on cue in walked Paul McCartney, I nearly dropped dead, what I groupie I was and still am! I was amazed to see his hair was tightly greased back, if I’d past him on the street I'm sure I wouldn’t have recognised him. He invite Barbara and me to take a seat and genuinely seemed interested that we were from Dublin and that we were planning to open Ireland's first discotheque , he was just very chatty and friendly. I noticed he was wearing an elastic band around his wrist, something I have noticed that anytime there is a close up of his hands he’s still wears an elastic band. Someone once told me wearing an elastic band helps break habits i.e if you are trying to stop smoking every time you get the urge pull back the elastic band and let it snap against your wrist giving a small sharp sting, probably an old granny’s tale, but I’ve made a mental note that if I ever meet Paul again I’ll ask him why he wears it. After approximately five minutes Paul sadly bid us farewell and disappeared into the inner sanctum.

No sooner had he left us than the main door burst open and in walked John Lennon, followed by Yoko and Yoko’s daughter Kyoko Cox. John was wearing a maggoty looking fur coat that looked liked he bought in a second hand shop and a pair of runners that looked older than the coat! Yoko didn’t look much different they nodded at us and walked straight through. I just couldn’t believe that I’d just seen John Lennon and had a conversation with Paul McCartney, what’s worse I don’t think anyone else would as we had no camera.

As we were about to leave Debbie asked us would we like a lift as far as Piccadilly Circus as Mal (Evans, John's driver) was taking the car there to be valeted. Would we??? So Barbara and myself jumped into the back of Johns Phantom V Rolls Royce for the lift of a lifetime down to Piccadilly, What a car, it was more like a living room in the back with a built in TV fridge and a telephone!!! Mal explained that John travelled down to Spain in the car when staring in the movie How I Won The War.


This photo is a great story in its self. As I said, we were so disappointed not to have had a camera to record this historic meeting with Paul and seeing John at such close proximity. When we were leaving the Apple building I noticed one of the Apple Scruffs with a camera I approached her and asked her if she had any photos of John and Yoko entering the building adding that I would be so grateful if she could send me a copy of one. She said she'd be delighted. I gave her my address never expecting to hear from her again. How wrong I was and this is it taken on the very day Barbara and myself were sitting behind that very door. amazing! Thank Ms Scruff where ever you are.)



I mention all this because 30 years on I was waiting in my home in Marbella to welcome Cynthia Lennon the late Beatles ex wife for dinner as she was to be a guest the next day on my TV Show Boland Live... From the very first meeting, Cynthia came across as a charming, warm, and a gently woman. Over dinner she was as easy to chat as she was on the TV show the next day. One of the questions I’m most often asked is; ‘who was my favorited guest on TV or radio?’ Without hesitation I would say Cynthia Lennon was certainly in the top five.

After the show was over we had lunch together. It was whilst having coffee that Cynthia asked me was I a multimillionaire. “Why’s that?” I laughed “Because I noticed whilst you were interviewing me you showed clips from Anthology of the Beatles playing in the Cavern, on their first trip to America and their appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show,” She went on to say; “That Yoko owns all the rights to those clips and charges £30,000 per second, so you better get your check book out!"

Cynthia opened up more as the afternoon progressed and told me some shocking stories about Yoko. Allegedly in John's will his billion dollar estate was to be split into three equal parts, one part to Yoko, one part to Sean and one part to Julian but only to be divided at Yoko’s discretion. John had been dead 17 years at this stage and all Julian had received was a Jukebox that had stood in one of their homes! I believe most of it has been sorted by now and Julian has received his rightful inheritance. Another shocking story Cynthia related to me was that Yoko had all the rights to the Beatles Anthology the documentary TV series and made sure Cynthia was cut out of all the filmed history of the Beatles, the only reference to her was a shot of her cream leather hat as she stepped off the plane with the Beatles for their first American tour! Just think about that; Cynthia was married to John throughout the whole Beatle phenomena from the early days of the Cavern, through all their recordings, touring, breaking America and Beatlemania, Yoko didn’t appear until all that was over and yet she made sure It looked like Cynthia never existed! That disgusted me and still does. I’m delighted to get this opportunity to yet again tell the true story of Yoko's treatment of Cynthia Lennon.

Cynthia lives in Majorca and I have kept in touch over the years. We are like two gossiping women when we get on the phone to each other. She is extremely close to her son Julian, no matter where he is in the world he phones his mum practically every day. She told me that she was at the time more hurt for Julian than herself when John left them for Yoko and again how tragic it was for Julian, as a young teenager, to hear that his father had been murdered and then having to cope with his lose so publicly under the scrutiny of the world press and TV cameras. She is, as every mum is, very protective and proud of her son and gets hurt every time Julian gets hurt. One of those occasions was at the premier of Love the Beatles musical by Cirque de Soleil which plays to full houses every evening in Las Vegas. All the Beatle wives and children were invited to the premier, they included Cynthia and Julian, Olivia Harrison and Danni, Yoko Ono and Sean and Barbara Bach, Ringo’s wife. The Beatles families were given VIP front row seats, that is, except Cynthia and Julian who sat at least two rows back! At the end of the performance the MC for the evening thanked all the wives and Beatles sons mentioning each by name totally leaving out Cynthia and Julian! Can you imagine how hurt they must have felt? Even as I write this the thought of how they must have felt that night still makes my blood boil!
I feel it's important to point out that Julian is very close to his stepbrother Sean and used to babysit for him when he was a kid and that on the night of the Love premier it was one of the very few occasions Yoko and Cynthia were photographed together.
The final insult for Julian was last December when the Beatles were recipients of the Recording Academy’s Lifetime Achievement Awards, Paul was scheduled to play at the ceremony along with Ringo. When Julian called his ‘Uncle Paul’ suggesting that perhaps they could do a duet of one of his late dads songs. Paul rejected the idea out of hand. This really hurt Julian. Message for Paul; ‘You know where you can stick Hey Jude from now on, Where the sun don’t shine!’(Hey Jude was written by Paul for a heartbroken Julian when his dad left his mum, changing the name Julian to Jude)


The other Beatle moment was when I invited Mike McCartney (Paul's younger brother) on my TV Show. Mike, sometimes know as Mike McGear when he was a member of Scaffold the comedy, poetry and music trio from Liverpool, consisting of himself, Roger McGough and John Gorman which had a few hit records, the biggest being Lily The Pink.

Mike flew over to Malaga with his very young wife and children for the show and from the minute we met I just couldn't warm to him, its not that he was a bad guy or anything, it was just his personality, his way, I didn’t like.
The first thing he made abundantly clear was he didn’t want to talk about the Beatles! This set me back a piece, after all I didn’t fly him in to chat about Lily the fucking Pink! I wanted to know about his life with Paul before the Beatles, what was it like being the baby brother of one of the most famous rock stars on the planet, was he ever jealous of big brothers outrageous successes, what was it like growing up in the McCartney household etc. Whilst we were having dinner the night before the show all he kept banging on about was ‘Our Kid'’(Paul) and that the Beatles would never have made it if hadn't been for 'Our Kid' in fact he told me that Scaffold were as big as the Beatles at the time! On and on he went, bullshit after bullshit!
The next day, show day, whilst we were both in makeup, he still kept continually reminding me that there was to be NO Beatle questions and if there were he'd walk off the show! Once the show got under way and I welcomed him onto the set he insisted that HE should sit in the presenters chair whilst I should sit on the guest chair (see photo) before I had a chance to start the interview he started yet again going on and on about ‘Our Kid’ this ‘Our Kid’ that, Beatle this Beatle that in fact he never stopped talking about Paul and the Beatles hardly mentioning Scaffold except to say Lilly The Pink was a bigger seller than any Beatle record. I’m sure it was Mike I’m sure it was!

I was really enjoying this period of my life both on radio and television, it's all I ever wanted. The Boland Radio Show went live Mondays through Fridays from 8pm till 10pm. I would spend the mornings in my home office preparing the evenings show. The first thing I always do, and still do to this day, is take a blank piece of A4 paper and divide it into four sections, then I fill each section with a time slot i.e 8pm, 8:30pm, 9pm amd 9.30pm. These sections are where I write down the guests name placing them in the correct box for their appearance (I'm sorry if this all sounds to technical but I think it's important to realize that the work of a radio presenter is just not the two hours that they're on air. The fact is, is that there is a huge amount of prepping and research beforehand) Next task is to start looking for the evenings celebrity guest, once he or she is confirmed I’d then scour the newspapers to look for good interesting stories and the principle characters connected to them to invite them as guests onto the show. The afternoon is spent researching my confirmed guests stories, when necessary, scripting questions for a particular difficult story. I like to leave my home office around 6ish for the studio, by then I have my guests confirmed, my research notes typed up and even the music chosen to match the guests.

Finding guests, as I've said, isn't as difficult as one my think but there are occasions when I run into trouble in securing a guest. This part of my story relates to one of those occasions:

On this particular day it was approaching 5pm and I’m still looking at a blank piece of paper, no names, no guests and I’m beginning to panic. Then out of the blue I hit on an idea; why don’t I call the show Viva Las Vegas, and make the whole theme centered around Las Vegas. The theme music for a start would be simple , thanks to Elvis, now all I had to do was find a few guests and bingo. The first place I decided to call would be one of the hotel casinos on the strip. One of the most famous hotels in Vegas is Caesars Palace, it didn’t take me long to find their telephone number, called it and asked for the person in charge of staging their spectacular shows. I was put through to a Debbie Munch head of marketing. I explained about my show and asked her if she would join me as my guest to explain about life at Caesars Palace, headline shows, the casinos, restaurants etc Thankfully she said she would be delighted. Debbie in fact was a great help that afternoon as she gave me both the Chief of Police and the Mayor of Las Vegas's private telephone numbers. Within the hour I had filled my guest list and was ready to leave for the studio. Job done!

When I arrived home that evening Wendy informed me that a Debbie Munch from Caesars Palace had called and would like me to call her back as soon as possible. I remember thinking as I dialed her number that I hoped I hadn’t said or done anything to upset her. This is how the conversation went:
D: “Hi Maureeece(that’s how it sounds when an American say’s it)Debbie here”
M: “ Hi Debbie thank you so much for being my guest this evening I really enjoyed the interview, I hope everything went well for you?”
D: “Thank YOU, You were so much fun Maureeeece, I loved the interview and was thinking why not come out to Caesars Palace as our guest and broadcast live from Las Vegas?”
M: “YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS?” I replied sounding like a John McEnroe impersonator!
D: “I sure am,” replied an excited Debbie
M: “How would this be possible, what equipment would we need, is it technically possible etc etc?”
D: “ We shoot many famous TV shows at Caesar, only last week an episode of Friends was filmed at the hotel, we’ve been used for location shots on many TV shows and movies, we’ve also done many live radio broadcasts from here. Caesars Palace has over 300 technical staff who have the know how and skills to achieve this, I will help you find your guests , Las Vegas as you can imagine is full of celebs and people I know you would love to interview. So what do you say?”
M: I couldn’t believe what I was hearing: “So when do you want me, how many days for?”
D: I suggest you fly out on a Friday, that will give you the weekend to get over jet lag and settle in, then on Monday start your 2 hour live broadcast finishing on the Friday. Take the weekend to relax and then fly home. We will arrange a limousine to pick you up from your flight. The hotel will be delighted to give you one of the luxury suits which are located on the 22nd floor of our spectacular new wing with stunning views of the Las Vegas strip, we will also include all food and beverages, so Maureeeece are you coming are not?”
M: “I’m packing as we speak!”


Within in two weeks from Debbie's invite I was sitting on board a Virgin Atlantic 747 drinking champagne in the Upper Class lounge as we jetted into Las Vegas's McCarron International Airport and true to her word, there was the longest stretch limo I had ever seen waiting to transport me to my hotel. It was all so surreal as was my suit which had two bathrooms, a dining area, a number of large sofas and a bed big enough for a family of four!

I hardly had time to take it all in when one of the many phones in the suit rang, it was Debbie welcoming me to Vegas and inviting me to join her for lunch. I showered, changed and made my way down to the main lobby to meet her. I’m not even going to try to describe what the hotel was like you can have a look around by using Google.

We lunched at Wolfgang Puck’s famous Spago restaurant. Debbie explained that she had plenty of guests lined up already for my shows including Neil Sedaka, Gladys Knight and many of the headliners from other hotels including Earth Wind and Fire, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Hughie Lewis, Buddy Grecco, Robert Goulet, Otis Williams and the Temptations, Lorna Luft (Liza Minnelli’s sister) Evil Kenievil, many more. What a guest list! I just couldn't believe this was all happening. After lunch Debbie asked me to follow her out to the front of the hotel as she had a surprise for me. We walked out into the blazing afternoon sun when she asked me to look around and see if I noticed anything unusual. I had to admit I didn't at first until she asked me to look up at Caesar's icon show sign and this is what I saw.You can imagine my reaction!

I came down for breakfast at 8 am on the Monday morning. The show was to go live at 11am that is 8pm Spanish time. I had to meet a guy called Jeff and he'd talk me through everything. Howard Brerton back in the OCI studios in Marbella and had run a successful link test with Jeff last Friday so I knew in advance that all worked. Over breakfast Jeff explained how the technical side of the show would work, that in fact I didn’t have to do anything but use the microphone, he would produce the rest. What a luxury, after so many years doing everything from presenting, producing, playing the music and answering the phones etc now at last I will have a producer. After breakfast we walked to the place where the studio equipment had been set up, it was a bar that was closed during the day and sitting in the middle was a rack of amplifiers, mixing desk, a table set with four state of the art microphones, a presenters chair and four guest chairs. It was then I noticed rows of chairs that had been set up in front of my guest table, I asked Jeff what they were for? He told me that there had been posters placed around the hotel announcing all the guests who will be appearing on my show during the week, so Debbie thought it a good idea to let an audience watch how you broadcast your show. I was getting to like this more and more. I picked up a pair of headphones attached to the mixing desk, put them on and there as clear as a bell was OCI's Julie Thomosoro speaking live on her show in Marbella, it’s as if she was in the next room! I cannot remember which guests where on which days but I know the Debbie was my first guest, followed by one of the hundred cocktail barmen who would make up one of their famous Caesars cocktails for me to sample, I was also to be joined by one of their many top chefs who also would bring me some of their exotic foods for me to sample. By 10am a crew of waiters rolled in a large buffet table and laid out a breakfast banquet fit for a king. Jeff told me this was for the guests to snack on whilst they waited to go on air! Only in America!

Instead of trying to remember each days running order I will highlight the interviews I remember best for one reason or another. I’ll start with Neil Sedaka (See Photo, Neil Looks like he's in a wheelchair and we're doing an American version of Little Britain!), I’ve always been a huge fan of his so I can’t tell you how excited I was when it was confirmed he was to be one my guest. Neil arrived looking very sporting in a track suit top and baseball cap. As he sat down for the interview he removed his cap before putting on the headphones. I noticed throughout the interview his eyes were darting everywhere but on me! It was only afterwards Debbie told me that Neil wears a toupee but wasn’t wearing it under his baseball cap that morning, so when he took off the cap to put the headphones on he noticed the hotel photographer snapping away and didn’t want ANY photographs of him going public without his toupee. Debbie had assured him that the film would be destroyed and Neil seemed happy enough with that, in fact we had a long lunch together and that night he invited me to his show at the Orleans as one of his VIP guests, what a show it was, from the very minuet he stepped on stage starting with Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen, Calendar Girl, Is this the Way to Amarillo to Braking up is Hard to Do and Solitaire. He had the audience dancing in the aisles and singing along to everyone of his iconic hits. One of the outstanding moments for me was when he performed the operatic Nessun Dorma, I’m sure Pavarotti would have been impressed. By the way Neil looked better without the toupee. I was amazed at just how many hotel guests jammed into the bar to watch the show, whooping and clapping for every guest. Yes sir, I like Las Vegas.

To be Continued......


Coming up next in Chapter 19: My very embarrassing moment with Martha Reeves when she almost walked out of the studio. Paul Anka refusing to come on my show until I told him a little white lie, Jay Leno giving me the greatest put down of all time.
.

CHAPTER 17



TV STAR ESTHER RANTZEN WANTED TO KNOW WHY I WAS INTERESTED IN HER ANUS AND HER ORGASMS!




The Taliban didn’t get me in the end, the owners wife was delighted by the show and so was a very shocked but a relieved Massood! I’m talking about the appearance of the all male group Climax at the Rivera Club(see chapter 16) In fact so happy was Massood that before I could catch my breath he wanted to know: “ What’s next?” I had promised myself that I would not get totally involved in the day to day management of the club in fact all I promised was to over see the relaunch. I suppose it might have been better if the Climax night was anti-Climax if you see where I’m going, it would have been the perfect excuse to bow out there and then.

Not many people knew it at the time but this was to be my last show after 4 years at Rudys

I had enough on my plate making sure that we continued to hold my radio show audiences. I also now had the extra stress (self-inflicted) of finding guests each week for the Boland Live TV Show, but also to convince them to come over without a fee and to arrange flights, hotels etc. Then there was Rudy’s live shows every Wednesday evening that would follow immediately after my radio

show, thankfully we were still packing them in, but privately I was getting bored with the same routine on every live show and the format was all but impossible to change, it was after all karaoke disguised as a cabaret show. We had semi professional dancers accompanying me throughout the show and what not many people knew at the time I had arranged 'plants' in the audience who were really good singers,of course there were the celebrity guests who had either flown in for my TV show or were on holiday in Marbella. I remember one particular night I got word backstage that the wife of late Eric Morecambe, Maureen was in the audience.(See photo) Another night I noticed Glen Tipton from the zillion selling rock group Def Leppard was enjoying the show, after all I was now entering my fourth year with these shows and I was worried that I would start to see audience support begin to dwindle. A little voice was telling me to ‘quit whilst your on top!’ It wasn’t long after that I decided to call it a day. It was a difficult decision but the correct one I believed. It had been an extraordinary time in my life and I will forever be thankful to Rudy Alice and Li for allowing me the opportunity..


Now with Rudy’s finished I really wanted to concentrate on what I truly loved radio and television. Barry and I were drifting apart, we were rowing constantly. One of the problems was that Barry was now on breakfast radio so finishing The Late Late Show at 10pm then getting home bed and up again was I’m sure exhausting,

we also had personal problems which I have no intention of going into here. It was time that we parted ways leaving me to fly the show solo.

I’m sure the first few shows sounded awful and full of mistakes etc but after a short time I settled into a routine and slowly gained more confidence. I was now loving being in control but starting to think the game show format had run its course, It had nothing to do with lack of audience participation. It just was difficult to keep the shows games fresh after so many years. One evening I was about to play the ‘Guess Who’s Talking’ game where I invite the listener to guess who was talking after playing them a snippet of a famous voice which I had recorded earlier on. I don’t know how but the recording was blank! What to do? I immediately put on a piece of music followed by a commercial break and decided to call David Sutch better known as Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.

I can’t remember how I happened to have his number, perhaps I was going to invite him on my TV show, anyway David answered and I explained my dilemma and asked would he mind being my ‘Mystery Guest’ Luckily he was well up for it. I asked him to stay on the line until I come back live. I then asked him a few questions like, are you a sportsman, are you a dancer, are you an actor etc, all he had to do was say no to each question without giving away who he was. I would then ask the listeners to guess who I was talking with. It worked like a dream, he was perfect. Once I revealed who he was and then had an interview with him. And that was how I dropped the game shows and the title The Late Late Breakfast show renamed it The Boland Show and changed the format into a talk show.

I designed the format for the radio show somewhat like my TV show which would include one well-known celebrity guest at the top of the second hour and 2 interesting news story guests in the first hour. The TV guests were slightly more difficult as they had to come to the TV studio whereas on my radio show they were on the phone unless, that is, they were in Marbella. Funny thing is I never found finding guests that difficult funny enough especially for my radio show as, as I said, the interviews were done over the phone so they didn’t even have to leave their homes.

One day Pepe called me into his office and asked me if I’d like the 11 to 1pm slot on Saturday mornings for free but as I go to the synagogue every Saturday morning I told him that might be difficult but I’d think about it. There were two problems with this time slot one as I mentioned was my attendance at the synagogue and two there was no way I could call well-know celebrities on a Saturday morning 10am UK time, so If I was going to accept Pepe’s kind offer I would need to reformat the show especially taylord for a Saturday. One evening I was having dinner with friends when one of them asked would I call his mum who was back in hospital in the UK next time I was on the radio, he said it would make her day, I thought nothing of it and of course I agreed. I remember that night very well when I called up my friend’s mother in hospital and told her she was live on radio and that her son and family living in Marbella send their love, and the end of our short chat she told me just how happy the call made her.

It was that very one call that made me decide if a telephone call on radio can make someone that happy perhaps G-d would forgive me leaving the synagogue slightly early so I could do exactly that for others who were living away from their families. I titled Wish You Were Here. During my weekday evening shows I would promote my Saturday Morning show by asking the listeners to fax me requests if they wanted me to call a loved one live on air (very few people used emails then) My radio show in tray would be full every Saturday morning with listeners requests, mostly to call loved ones either in hospital or grandchildren. The show was a smash hit and ran for the next 10 years or so. In fact I did a Wish You Were Here on Christmas Morning almost up to my last radio show in 2013.


There were very many memories of this show, one was a request for a recording of one of my listeners sisters who I spoke to in a hospice in Scotland. He reminded me that for some reason we were talking about custard apples but can't remember why. All I know it made her laugh. He told me just how the call had brightened up her day and made her very happy. Sadly she had passed away and he would have loved a recording of her conversation with me. Unfortunately I don’t recorded the Wish You Were Here shows, so I had to tell him sadly I hadn’t got a recording of his sister chat with me. I could tell how desperately disappointed he was, I told him that there could be a chance in a million someone just might have a recording of that show and I would put a request out next time I was on air. A few days later I did just that and to my amazement a listener in Majorca had recorded that very show as his mum was also on it and sent me a copy! I can’t tell you how happy I felt handing over a copy tape of his late sisters voice.

On another occasion I got a call from a young woman called Linda asking me to call her ex best friend Susan in Inverness, she explained that they had been best friends at school but had fallen out ten years ago and hadn’t spoke since. She went on to tell me that she wrote to her a few weeks ago saying that she thought it time they put the past behind them and thankfully her friend agreed and promised to telephone her the next day between 10 and 11am. Linda said she sat in all day waiting for her friend to call but received no call, so would I call her as she so desperately wanted to speak to Susan and make up for the past. She told me the reason she wanted ME to call was that Susan had a great sense of humor and I could wind her up etc. So, I called Susan from Inverness and this is how it went: She answered in a very gently but prominent Scottish accent: “Hello”

Me: “Is that Susan?”
S: “Aye, who’s that?” she almost whispered
M: “I’m calling on behalf of you friend Linda she said that you had agreed to call her yesterday between 10 and 11am and that poor girl sat in all day waiting for your call, all she wanted to do Susan was make up for the past so you two good continue as best friends as you were 10 years ago and you let her down, I can’t tell you how heartbroken she is.” I continued to wind her up: “She called me knowing Id give you a hard time and knowing that I wouldn’t settle for some feeble excuse. Now Susan why don’t you tell us why you didn’t call and it better be good?” there was a long pause before answering
S crying: "My father dropped dead yesterday.” She continued to sob uncontrollably. Now get yourself out of that Boland!

Not all calls were like that of course and the majority were happy, I do remember calling Dallas one Christmas morning to wish the daughter of one of my listeners on the Costa del Sol a Happy Christmas. I did say to her mom that it was only 6am in Dallas and did she not think her daughter would be annoyed at such and early call, her mum assured me she would be up as she had three young children including a 6 month old baby so I wasn’t to worry

So I called the number when a very sleepy man answered the phone. I went it my usual chirpy voiced delivery: “Hi, this is Maurice Boland calling live on my radio show in Spain to wish you all a very Happy Chri s.....” before I could finish he yelled down the phone: “I don’t care who the f**k this is it's 6am in the f**king Christmas morning and you’ve woken everyone up, so a Happy f**cking Christmas to you now f**k off!” and slammed the phone down. Im sure there are plenty more that I have forgotten but as I said this Saturday morning show was a great hit with our listeners both here and abroad.

On my main evening show I continued to draw in some very big names both from UK and America like Rod Stieger, Quincy Jones, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ex Prime Minister Edward Heath and Margret Thatcher , Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice and the present day Prime Minister David Cameron. The list goes on into the hundreds if not thousands. One of my fondest memories was interviewing the late Superman Christopher Reeves, It was a difficult interview as I did it soon after his accident and he was on a machine that helped him breath, a lot of the times he had to pause mid sentence to let his lungs fill with air before he could finish what he was saying so I never knew when I could cut in or not. He was a lovely brave man with a great sense of humor.


Another interview that stands out in my mind was with Timothy Knatchbull talking about his book Clear Blue Sky: On the morning of August 27, 1979 Earl Mountbatten of Burma, the great- grandchild of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, took several members of his family including Tim out on a fishing expedition

in Mullaghmore,Co. Sligo. Within minutes of setting out, a 5lb gelignite bomb ripped through the bottom of the boat and the Earl was killed, along with his grandson, 14-year-old Nicholas Knatchbull, a 15-year-old friend and crew member, and the family pet dog. The next day Tim’s grandmother died from her injuries. He and his parents were lucky to be alive, but had been very seriously injured.
Tim Knatchbull was fortunate to have been rescued from the water as quickly as he was, and was taken in considerable pain to the intensive care unit in Sligo Hospital, where he slowly recovered from his extensive wounds. But it was three days before he was able to be told that his twin Nicholas had died and had already been taken to England for burial. After Tim related this part of his story to me I just filled up, I simply couldn't talk and I hung up without saying a word. I played the song; ‘With G-d I Walk’ after I composed myself I called Tim back to apologies for hanging up. He gracefully told me he understood and we carried on with the interview. Tim called me after the show to tell me that it was one of the most moving interviews he had ever done and thanked me. What a brave gentleman he is.

You might think all my interviews were sad, far from it. One of my best known interviews was with Esther Rantzen the British TV star. She had just recovered from a near death experience. She told me it all happened whilst she was out in India making a BBC documentary. She said she stupidly drank some water from a well and within days was taken ill and ended up in hospital for six months after doctors discovered a living organism in her stomach that nearly killed her. I remembered a story that one of the makeup artist that joined Mandy Smith and I in Tobago also had a similar tail, so I jumped in saying

“I know a girl who had that exact same thing happened too her and she ended up with an orgasm similar to yours!” Esther burst out laughing saying; “I think you mean an organism and not a reference to my orgasms?” With that I heard Desmond (Wilcox) her husband ask who was she talking to about her orgasms? I felt like a right a plonker!
A year later I was interviewing Esther again, Desmond had sadly past away by then and a very nasty book written by her step daughter had just been released, I was going to start the interview by making a quote by the Queen who had also had a terrible family year by saying it was an ‘Annus Horribilis’ but decided that I better not risk it remembering what an idiot I had made of myself during the last interview. As the interview progressed and was going well I decided to be brave and risk it by saying; “Esther, it would be true to say this year was an Anus Horriblis for you?” again she burst out laughing: "Last year when I was on your show you made reference to my ORGASMS and now this year your talking about my ANUS what next dear boy?” I will say no more only to add Esther must have taken it all in the best possible taste as she has been on my show many time since.


As I said finding guests wasn’t as difficult as one might think. One of the most difficult was a TV guest, the late ex world snooker champion Alex ‘Hurricane’ Higgins. Alex, as most of you might know was renowned for his heavy drinking and trouble making, so when he arrived in Spain the day before he was due to appear on my show I sat him down and had a long talk with him asking him to please do me a favor and not drink the day of my show. Alex thankfully took my request in good spirits, if you excuse the pun, and pointed out that he would be in the studios at 12pm for my 1pm show and he never drank in the morning. Thankfully he turned up on time the next day and appeared to be as sober as a judge. My TV show had now moved to much larger studios in Torremolinos so the audience now numbered in

their hundreds. As Alex was still a big star then there was a big demand for audience tickets. I must say Alex was perfectly behaved during the interview and as I said sounded sober. I was told after the show that he had in fact downed a full bottle of Champagne whilst waiting in the Green Room! Once my interview with Alex was over we went into a commercial break followed by Steve Nelson and his bands musical spot and then I introduced my final guest, if I remember correctly was Tony Dali the Italian opera singer who owned a famous restaurant in Marbella set up with Jimmy Tarbuck. During my interview with Tony I started hear a lot of noise off camera and out of sight coming from the back of the studios. As soon as I rapped up the show thanking my guests etc I went running to the back of the studio to find out what happened. Seemingly Alex continued to down bottles of champagne by the neck. When he spotted a sofa to sit down on and climbed over a rope that had a 'No Entry' sign hanging on it. He was informed that this was in fact a ‘Closed Set’ that was been used on a Spanish soap opera and that he had to immediately step off the set. He told them 'f**k off'. With that the studio called security and after politely asking him to please get up on off the set. Again Alex being Alex told the guards to f**k off! As diplomacy wasn't working the security guys had no choice and ended up having to drag nim off !!! I suppose I should have known what to expect when I booked The Hurricane!

Another TV guest who gave me a bit of a hard time was British comedian and Impressionist Faith Brown. She, as most of my guests, flew in on the Tuesday and was invited to my home for dinner, It was a formula I followed for all my TV guests, it was my way of getting to know them when they were at their most relaxed. Faith arrived with her husband Len and all seemed to go well during the dinner. Before leaving she did ask me for a list of the questions that I was going to ask on the show the next day , I told her that I NEVER set questions. Wendy and I were getting ready for bed when the phone rang, it was Faiths manager calling from London informing me that Faith had decided that she didn’t want to do my show! I was gobsmacked to say the least, this was a live TV show that was going to be broadcast in 12 hours and my guest, whom I had flown in especially from UK, wanted to cancel! After asking why, her agent explained that Faith didn’t think my show was professional enough, no scripts had been prepared etc and she wanted to pull out. I explained I NEVER used a script and that never seemed to bother any of my past guests. We chatted for a while when her agent eventually explained the real reason that Faith was worried about my questioning. As many of you know Faith Brown is a well built woman on top and she hated any reference to her breasts etc. If that was all that was bothering her I assured the agent that I would make no reference to her breasts etc the agent in turn said shed call her and comeback to me before the show. I went to bed that night not knowing if I had a star guest for my show the next day. In fact it was only when I was in make up a very joyful Faith Brown bounced in wishing me a very good morning with NO mention of her agent's call etc. I remember introducing Faith that day by saying: “My next guest's husband must has a wonderful sex life.” I could hear Faith Hyperventilating off camera in the guest seat next to me. I continued: “ Because when he gets in bed at night he doesn’t know if its going to be Tina Turner, Cher or Zsa Zsa Gabor ladies and gentleman one of UK best loved comedians and impressionists Miss Faith Brown”. Faith loved that intro, immediately and seductively lay herself across my desk breaking into a brilliant impersonation of Zsa Zsa Gabor saying:”Darlink I love You”. Thankfully all ended well.

Coming up next I get a call from Caesars Palace inviting me to broadcast my radio show live from Las Vegas......Cynthia Lennon talking very openly about her feelings for Yoko and how it all went wrong with Jimmy Tarbuck

To be continued ......

CHAPTER 16

OH NO, THE MEN ARE NAKED!







Almost opposite Rudy’s was an a imposing tented building that housed The Riviera Discotheque. Every time I drove passed this extraordinary structure I hardly ever saw any activity. Yet every evening a green laser light would light up the night sky above it which was visible for miles around. Eventually my curiosity got the better of me and one day I pulled into the car park. The place seemed deserted the doors were locked, so I walked around the back. I shouted to see if anyone could hear me, eventually one of the rear doors slowly opened and a man asked me what I wanted. I said I’d like to look around, he introduced himself explaining that he was the technician that built the sound and lighting in the club. He invited me in and what greeted me left me speechless, It was like arriving in large circus tent. Pepe then started a demonstration of the sound and light show. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing; I’d never seen anything like it, not in Marbella in fact not anywhere. The whole set up fascinated me and now I wanted to see it in action. Pepe told me they were only opened at weekends and invited me to come and have a drink with him the next Saturday night. As I drove away I remember thinking that surely something as majestic as this could be turned into an amazing venue, but what? I certainly never wanted to get back into the discotheque business, but yet again, It was hard for someone like me not to think that at least with the corrected marketing and management it could be turned into something spectacular.

I accepted Pepe's invitation, so on Saturday night I set off for my drink at the Riviera. When I pulled up in front of the club the first notable thing was the lack of cars but an abundance of mopeds and scooters. As I walked to the main entrance I was expecting to be met by the usual doormen or at least someone in charge of the door, I just walked straight in. Music was pumping out of Pepe's state of the art sound system and his light show was awe inspiring, all I could think was, this must have cost a bloody fortune, but the club looked empty with about 20 Spanish kids hanging around the bars, the place just looked neglected and so sad. It was then I spotted Pepe, he looked delighted to see me and asked me to join him for a drink. “Does it get busier later?” I asked him, Pepe explained this was about as busy as they get. To tell you the truth it was all slightly embarrassing. I just stood there thinking this place must have cost millions to build. “Who’s the owner?” was my next obvious question. He explained it was owned by a multimillionaire Arab who’s main business was constructing shopping centers in the Gulf States. “So why this?” I asked. Again Pepe explained he had bought the land that the club was built on as an investment and just fancied owning a club in Marbella. Pepe could see I looked confused and suggested that I should meet the owners Spanish personal assistant and if I wanted he could set up an appointment for me. Nothing gained nothing lost I agreed, I gave my number and left, still fascinated by what I had just seen.

A couple of days later I had a call from Pepe saying the owners PA would be delighted to meet me. I agreed to come up to meet him at his office, which was in a two storey building attached to the Riviera. So that afternoon I made my way back to the club wondering what was I doing, I had absolutely no plans or no desire to get involved with anything at the moment as my radio show, TV show and live shows at Rudy’s were taking up all my time. Pepe met me at the car park and brought me to the offices where I was introduced to a polite bespectacled suited Arab gentleman call Massude. After some pleasantries he explained the history of the club and the owners background. He then asked the question that I had I knew that I would have no idea how to answer, to tell you the truth I had no idea what I was doing there in the first place; “And how can I help you?” he politely asked. I told him that I was fascinated by the whole set up and how shocked I was at how empty this wonderful looking club was, In fact the marketing was appalling as I had never seen or heard of anything that was going on in the club and only knew about as I passed it nearly everyday. He didn't seemed phased by my harsh criticism and politely reacted by asking me “Are you offering to help to promote the club?” I replied “I don’t know Massude, to tell you the truth I don’t even know why I’m here, let me go away and think about it.” After a few more pleasantries we shook hands and I left. I remember driving into the radio station for the evenings show thinking what a plonker Mr Massude must think I am!

I tried to put The Riviera, my meeting with Massude and Pepe to the back of my mind convincing myself that I just wasn't interested, that it would take up all my time , which I had little of anyway, to try and make it work, so forget it. A few weeks later I was at home watching a news report on TV about the worsening situation about the drought in Somalia that was causing hundreds of thousands of deaths, they showed men women and children that looked like walking skeletons, it just got to me. Although it was approaching midnight I picked up the phone and I called Massude, thankfully he answered almost immediately meaning he hadn't already gone to bed. I apologised about the time explaining the reason for my call was about the news report on Somalia and how I wanted to do something to help, suggesting that perhaps I could stage a fund raising charity event at the Riviera club. Massude had also seen the report and immediately agreed saying the club was mine to be used as I saw fit.

As usual I came up with a name for the event first calling it ‘Fight Against Time’ I set the date for the 4th of October about a month away so I could capitalise on the news report before it gets forgotten , I realised that it was important to strike whilst the iron was hot to make an event like this work. I then got on the phone and started asking bands and performers to participate . I really can’t remember who performed that night but looking at the poster I see Tony Dalli and Mel Williams were appearing, what I do remember it was a sell out and I was delighted that we raised an awful lot on money for the cause. I suppose it was then that I was bitten by the charity bug that was to play such an important part in my life to come.



One painful memory of that night was a terrible mistake I made , a mistake I still regret to this day and spoke about it briefly in an earlier chapter; I had bumped into actor Paul Henry a week or so before the gala.

Paul you might remember played simpleton Benny in the TV soap Crossroads and asked him if he would make an appearance at the charity event, Crossroads at the time was one of the top rated TV shows and I felt as it's star it would be an added attraction to the evening. He readily agreed and said he would come up on stage and say a few words. I was delighted. Come the big night as I said it was a spectacular success and as you can imagine how delighted I was eventually when it was all over. I was thanking everyone etc and the artist when they were leaving when a furious Paul Henry approached me shout and raving that I hadn’t called him up and that he’s written a special poem called ‘Miss Dian’ etc etc etc. What a mistake I made and dampened the whole event for me! (photo: Paul Henry as Benny in Crossroads)


Meanwhile it was back to my normal life on radio, TV and live shows etc. As well Rudy’s I was performing the odd one off event in other establishments across the Costa del Sol. One afternoon Pepe Nervaja, the Onda Cero boss called me into his office and told me he was so impressed with my charity show that he would like to book the Rivera club for the radio stations annual Christmas party where the listeners are invited for free. I was delighted with this request and called Massud to inform him, he told me he was grateful for all my support and requested a meeting as soon as possible to discus the next event for the Rivera. Next event! what next event? I thought, but agreed to meet with him anyway.

My 45th Birthday held at Rudys


By this time I decided to call a halt to The Boland Big Risk TV Show and sat down with my producer Martin Wood to see if we could come up with a new idea and format to hold up the audience figures. “How about a talk show” I suggested “We could fly our guests in from UK on a weekly bases and I was sure I could get flights and hotel accommodation sponsored” Martin said he was up for it. So I set about planning my new TV Show and as usual the first thing I did was come up with a title; Boland Live.... Then it was a matter of 1. Finding famous guests and convincing them that they should come on my show without a fee and 2. To get the flights and hotels sponsored. In fact the second task was the easiest as the Costa’s largest travel agent (you couldn’t book on line then) was Servitor and as they were already a sponsored on my radio show they thankfully agreed to fly my guests in for free, again hotels were delighted to put up celebrities from the UK for a couple of nights free as they could then use photographs of them staying in their hotels which they could use in future. Now all that wa left to do was to book the guests, funny enough although no one knew me at the time most if not all the celebrities I called readably agreed to fly over as my guest, I suppose there was a certain kudos in saying “I’m off to Spain to STAR in a TV chat show” Next job was to come up with an idea for a set which I designed to look like graffiti covrd walls (see photos) I got Rob Topp and brilliant artist that I had used in the past to do all the art work and that was more or less that. We were ready to Rock and Roll.

I booked Mel Williams and his band as the musicians for the show I can’t remember who my first guest was but the list included: Cynthia Lennon , Beatle John Lennon’s ex wife, Mike McCartney, from scaffold and Pauls young brother, Faith Brown, Kenny Lynch, Mr Motivator, Chris Haney, who invented Trivial Pursuit, Linda Nolan, Duran Duran’s Andy Taylor, Lionel Blair, Bonnie Langford, Wayne Sleep, Alex ‘Hurricane’ Higgins, and many more (I’m sure I’ll be reminded it)

I personally organised most of my guests but the occasional guest came through a booking agent in London. I remember one day the UK booking agent called me asking if I had a guest organised for the following week and if I hadn’t he had someone that would surprise me, I hadn’t in fact booked a guest yet and asked him who it was, I nearly fell off my seat when he said it was Mandy Smith! If you had read my chapter on my relationship, management, with Mandy you will know we didn’t part on the best of terms and that was 8 years ago so for a request for her to come on MY television show was very surprising, I asked him if she knew what show she was going on and he told me she was really looking forward to seeing me again. Life is full of surprises I thought after hearing this news, anyway of course I agreed and privately was really looking forward to seeing Mandy again. It was organised that she would fly in with her usual entourage of MUM Patsy, Sister Nicola and I think a few cousins. Meeting after the eight year gap i thought would be a little strained but it was fine and Mandy was her usual bubbly self. The TV show which went out live on Wednesday between the hours of 1 and 2pm was a hit thankfully (again remember very few people had had Sky then so no competition for viewers).

With Mandy, we hadn't spoken for 8 years prior to her coming on my TV show. This photo was taken by Gary Edwards for spread in Hello! magazine

I loved the TV talk show format I enjoyed all my guests and its popularity continued to go. As the show went out live every Wednesday afternoon I would invite my overseas celebrity guests to join me at Rudy's that evening for dinner, many of those pictures can be see in Chapter 14. Before getting on stage at I still had a radio show with Barry, but things were beginning to get strained between us both and cracks beginning to develop I needed to sort this out and quick

One of the first memories I had as a kid was receiving three Albums as a barmitzvah present, one was Elvis, the second was Cliff Richard’s and the third was Joey Dee and the Starliters at the Peppermint Lounge New Your City.

I was mad about this album as it was recorded live and I used to stand in front of the mirror and mime imaging myself live in the Peppermint Lounge and that I was Joey Dee (Believe it or not Joey Dee and the Starliters are still going strong and I was delighted to interview Joey on my radio show a few years ago)). So when I met up with Massud I told him if I got involved, and it was a very big if in some capacity, I would strongly recommend opening an American style diner in what was a restaurant next to the Riviera's main arena. Again Massud readily agreed telling me simply to go ahead and do whatever I believed was necessary! I don't know if it's Massud's gentle politeness or his persuasive manner but it sort of creeps up on you unaware and before you know it your hooked in, so now I felt at least obliged to help relaunch the Riviera. As the discotheque didn't need any structural work and all it needed a was a very good cleaning, I set about looking for an expert to run the restaurant, in that I found the perfect guy from Gibraltar who had run restaurants for many years, believe it or not his name was JOEY! So from then on I called him Joey Dee. I promised myself and Massuad that I would relaunch the Riviera Club but that would be it, the relaunch, then the rest would be up to him and his staff


I had no confidence that the Riviera simply as a discotheque would work. I believed the only chance the club might have would be as a live act venue. The Chippendales were big news in the UK and I don’t mean the furniture! Male strip acts were all the craze at the time and they were the most famous of them all. I felt their show would work by drawing a large audience as it would have been the first of it's kind in this part of Spain, I also believed that it would attract a large press turnout giving the club much needed publicity. After inquiring the price etc it worked out to expensive but I was offered a second choice of a group called Climax who were made up of four good looking ‘Hunks’ as the women would call them. So I booked them straight away.

I was driving past the club one weekday evening when I nearly crashed, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, for there up in lights on a huge free standing hoarding in front of the club was 'Maurice Boland's Riviera Club' I secretly made a mental note to kill Massud next time I saw him!

When the day for the Climax concert finally arrived, I got a call from Massud asking me how come I hadn’t rented any sound equipment, guitar amps, drums etc for the band. Shit! Massud thinks The Climax are some kind of pop group, I had stupidly assumed he knew what they were! As if that wasn't bad enough he then informed me that the Arab owners wife was flying in from

Dubai and wanted to come to this evening show. He made it worse by explaining she was a devout Muslim so he hoped the ‘band’ wouldn’t be to loud!!! Boy was I in trouble??? By 10 O’clock that evening the club was packed with screaming women NO men except, staff, myself , and the four members of Climax who were back stage oiling there semi naked bodies, they all looked 7ft tall and built like body builders!!! I tried to explain to them that the owners muslim wife who was now in the audience and was there any chance of possibly making their acted slightly less risqué, they looked at me as if I was mad. With that their theme music boomed from the speakers and all four marched onto the dance floor dressed as Gladiators. From the roar that met them you would have thought that the women had never seen a semi naked man before. I was almost to nervous to look out from the dressing room but when I did my worse fears were met, they were now NAKED!! My hands covered my face as I peeped through my open fingers at the area where the owners wife was seated dreading to see how she was reacting, would I be executed by the Taliban????? . I couldn’t believe what I saw, she was clapping frantically with a smile from ear to ear. What a great night it turned out to be...

To be continued......

HERE IS A VIDEO OF SOME OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE BOLAND LIVE TV SHOW




COMING NEXT. BARRY AND MYSELF GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS AND I GO SOLO. LAS VEGAS CALLS AND CHARITY STARTS TO TAKE HOLD OF MY LIFE.